|Photo By: Sujin Jetkasettakorn|
I wonder if there will be a day
That I can smile and really be okay?
I wonder if everyone will know just by looking at me
That I am broken and I am not at all free?
To those who know they call me strong, and
I cannot bring myself to tell them they are all wrong.
To those who do not know or who can’t understand,
The pain I have endured has left without a sensible plan.
I have changed.
My eyes no longer gleam in the sunlight,
My thoughts are always haunting me during the night.
The guilt is always there that I am to blame
For their behavior, lies, and games.
I have endured verbal beatings because I refuse to
Fight a fight in which everyone will lose.
I will not defend myself in a web of lies,
Nor will I fight to tell my side.
It’s over now
Or so they say, but my mind refuses to let me play.
Instead I am kept in torment
Of the past I cannot forget.
The damage that was done to my insides
Will not just die.
I have a good life…a family, two wonderful kids, a house and a great job;
Some would say I have it all.
But inside me lives a pain
That is so deep and runs through my veins.
It keeps me from being the girl I want to be,
The woman I seek to find inside of me.
When is it really over?
Perhaps a question I cannot answer,
But I live each day with the intent of being okay…
And for now, that is enough to get me through each day.