I Took A Walk, By: Anonymous

A dear friend recently sent me a trilogy of her compositions and this is the first in the series.  Enjoy.

I Took A Walk is a story of the loneliness you feel when you are victim of abuse. The lies you tell, the secrets you keep. The shame that keeps you from telling others what is really going on. It's a lonely road when you keep it inside. No one understands the turmoil within. And how would they? You don't tell anyone. You just go through the motions and present a pretty picture and give more life to the lie of abuse.



Photo By: Dan

 I took a walk alone. It was dark but the moon lit a path for me. Staring at the stars, hoping that they would somehow give me answers. It’s late but I can’t sleep and my dreams are haunting me when I do. And when I am awake, my heart haunts me with unexplainable desires.

I want to swim to the moon. I want to float the sky. I want to be anywhere but here.

I end up here a lot. On this path. In the darkness. Although the moon provides some light, the darkness is still there. I am still alone. And no one knows it but me.

I wish others could understand. I wish they would listen. I wish they had the patience I need them to have.
There is so much they don’t know. They don’t ask. No one wants to really know the answers it seems. It hurts.

It’s strange how we adapt to the people around us. Or rather…how we give in to their intolerance of the truth. Their selfishness to not hear what they are bothered by.

You learn, over time, to internalize. Oh…to internalize. It’s a wound that never stops bleeding. Over time, you become used to the taste of the blood it seeps…to the pain it has inflicted.

You learn to smile when they ask how you are. You manage to say you are just fine.

It’s lonely. But it’s what we do. It’s what I know.

With all those around me…I still feel like I am alone. I wonder if they would miss me if I was gone. Morbid, I know…but a justifiable curiosity in my opinion. They look right past me, anyway. They certainly do not take the time to look inside me. Know me. Understand me.

They say to just be happy with what you got, and not dwell over what you don’t have. But what if what you don’t have is the one thing that can take you out of the dark?

Many say I have chosen to travel down this path…and while I find myself standing here in the middle of the night staring into the darkness…I’m not sure it’s a choice at all.

I feel trapped by the darkness. My only weapon against it is what is inside…what has been locked away for the benefit of others’ happiness…their comfort.

I swallow the bitterness in my mouth and wipe away a tear. If they only knew…