That is Enough, By: Anonymous

Photo By: Sujin Jetkasettakorn

I wonder if there will be a day

That I can smile and really be okay?

I wonder if everyone will know just by looking at me

That I am broken and I am not at all free?

To those who know they call me strong, and

I cannot bring myself to tell them they are all wrong.

To those who do not know or who can’t understand,

The pain I have endured has left without a sensible plan.

I have changed.

My eyes no longer gleam in the sunlight, 

My thoughts are always haunting me during the night.

The guilt is always there that I am to blame

For their behavior, lies, and games.

I have endured verbal beatings because I refuse to

Fight a fight in which everyone will lose.

I will not defend myself in a web of lies,

Nor will I fight to tell my side.

It’s over now

Or so they say, but my mind refuses to let me play.

Instead I am kept in torment

Of the past I cannot forget.

The damage that was done to my insides

Will not just die.

I have a good life…a family, two wonderful kids, a house and a great job;

Some would say I have it all.

But inside me lives a pain

That is so deep and runs through my veins.

It keeps me from being the girl I want to be,

The woman I seek to find inside of me.

When is it really over?

Perhaps a question I cannot answer,

But I live each day with the intent of being okay…

And for now, that is enough to get me through each day.

My Shell, By: Anonymous

The third piece to my friend's trilogy...

My Shell is my most recent writing. To me, it explains what happens when you have reached the lowest point in an abusive relationship. You lose yourself in the process of making someone love you...making someone stay. But, they are going to walk away anyway. After all the emotional distress I had endured, I felt completely outside myself. I watched the story unfold as if I was watching it instead of losing it. It's about the loss of control. It's about the loss of the faith you once had. It's about the realization of yet another failed relationship. It's about the realization that I've entanged myself in two significant, unhealthy relationships in my life.

Photo By: Luigi Diamanti

My Shell 

Winter chill fills the air

And a sense of hopelessness washes over me.

I step outside my body

And sit and watch me.

I am crying--I am numb—

And the cold winter air cannot compare

To the to the shattering of my heart.

I sit and watch my shell as she slowly fades away.

Without her soul she cannot function.

I call out her name but she walks the other way...

She disappears into the night

And I search for her

She is nowhere to be seen,

Even when it turns daylight.

I realize he took this from her,

Her insides that made up her being.

She gave everything to him

And has nothing now,

Nothing left she can see.

My shell finally returns and asks me to come back

And to help her be whole again.

I step into her and we walk into the day

Silence was key; there was nothing else left to say.

The Locked Vault, By: Anonymous

Here is the second in my friend's trilogy of creative writing.

The Locked Vault is about the aftermath of abuse. It's about the fear of trusting someone with your heart again. It takes so much time to heal and trust is something that doesn't come easily after a relationship of abuse. It's about the desire to want to never love again but the curiousity of what is out there...if you really could be loved by someone again.

Photo By: Salvatore Vuono

I keep trying to decide what to do with the key.

I stare at the locked vault as I bite my lip and tap my foot.

I walk over to it, eye it, pace around it and walk away.

The contents are most precious and I certainly don’t know if it is worth it to unlock the vault at this moment.

I fear that if I don’t, the contents won’t hold the value they once did.

Some things lose their value over time, and I’m afraid my precious assets will to if I leave them locked away.

But opening the vault is tricky and doesn’t come without consequences.

I sigh out loud and look to the ceiling, my hand’s up in the air and look up at Him and ask “what now?”. I know what could happen if I make the wrong decision. Fear gets to me. Something is pulling me away from the vault. I open my mouth to question the force that disengages me but nothing comes out. I cannot speak.

My mind races, my heart pounds…my eyes twitch. I cannot remember the last time I felt so confused. So weak and without control.

I’m such a sure person. Directness has been my specialty. It’s had its ups and downs but it’s been my friend more times than not.

I want to open the vault!

Can I? Can I really exploit my treasures again like that? If they will not sale for their truest value than can I justify unlocking the gems to my heart?

I can’t help it; I’m again nearing the vault. I touch the cold metal that locks inside all my worth…my skin chills as it caresses the vault.

I look at the key…its burning a hole in my right hand. I feel the burn as I clench it in my fist.

I open my hand slowly, feeling the tingling sensation as I do so.

My hand trembles and I can see where the key left an imprint on my hand.

I take a deep breath.

I’m ready to do it.

I take the key, insert it….

And turn.

And then shake.

And then pull.

It won’t open. My vault!